"Coming Out of the Burrow" (Article in Maariv NRG)

Do you know that feeling when you really want to forgive but simply cannot succeed? Yohai Israeli on the Shamanic forgiveness mechanism

Yohai Israeli | 23/1/2008 13:06

A process of sincere forgiveness, in which there is real interaction between the offender and the offended (in many cases, each side is both the offender and the offended together), is a purifying process, which has great mental and spiritual benefit for all involved parties. However, what do we do when the person who hurt us does not even consider apologizing? And what can be done when the other side, the one to whom we want to apologize, is no longer among the living, or we do not know their identity, or when meeting the offender could cause further harm—for example, in cases involving verbal or physical abuse?

Here, the spiritual power of forgiveness comes to our aid—that divine power that exists in all of us and requires nothing but our consent to use it in order to set us free. The power of forgiveness allows us to forgive ourselves and others even without them being required to apologize to us, or us being required to apologize to them.

From a spiritual perspective, sincere forgiveness, one that comes from the heart, is perhaps the best and fastest way to return us to the path of love and growth. When we do not forgive, we experience the painful event over and over again, reliving the painful emotions we felt during it. And if all this is not enough—we also turn ourselves into a victim of the offender, the event, and/or ourselves.

Sometimes, even when there is no other person in the picture, it does not stop us from turning ourselves into victims: we are angry at ourselves for how we behaved, for the nature of our feelings, or for the content of our thoughts, and we punish ourselves in different ways, each person according to their creative imagination and conditioning.

The inability to forgive ourselves and others may stem from a tendency for self-destruction, unrealistic expectations of oneself and others, the pleasure in suffering, fear of change, fear of being in one’s own power, and more.

Beyond the mental consequences of the victim mindset, it is worth remembering that when we are in this position, we lose the spiritual lesson we could learn from the harm—in other words, we miss the "sweetness that can come from bitterness."

When someone's words manage to hurt us, they can be a "wake-up call," a sign that there is a part within us asking for us to be aware of its existence, seeking our attention. Or in other words, if someone throws a bucket of water at us and we get wet, it is likely that we have a hole in our coat...

Cutting the Cords

From a shamanic perspective, when we continue to be angry at those who hurt us or carry the memory of a traumatic event, we tie ourselves with invisible cords to the offender and the painful event. These ties are also created when we torment ourselves over harm we have caused others or do not forgive ourselves for mistakes we have made.

These energetic cords drain us of vital life energy, harm our emotional and mental autonomy, and continue to fuel the sources of pain within us: anger, insult, judgment, and guilt.

When the pain continues to be fed, it, in turn, strengthens the energetic cords, creating a negative cycle that feeds itself, making the possibility of forgiveness and moving on more and more distant. This is why, despite a sincere desire to forgive, we often fail to do so.

Therefore, in the shamanic forgiveness process, an important step is the cutting of the energetic cords of the person seeking to forgive. This severance can be done by summoning certain beings of light or through direct energetic work by the shaman on the cords.

In the forgiveness process, the shaman transmits into the space a dedicated 'grid' for forgiveness—a unique energetic framework that acts on the person's subconscious, enabling deep emotional healing and a significant acceleration of the ability to truly forgive—to forgive from the heart.

This grid also allows for relatively easy access to painful events from the past, some of which we have already forgotten, but whose harmful effects still operate on us at all levels. Once these events, along with all their residues, are brought up from oblivion, it becomes relatively easy to release them from our aura.

After this stage, a process follows that includes awareness work and healing.

The Decision to Forgive Is the Decision to Get Rid of the Parasite

So why, despite the awareness of the cost of not forgiving, do we sometimes still choose not to forgive? Perhaps because forgiveness is a divine power of unity, which opposes the ego's tendency to create separation and strive for a position of power over the other?

From the ego’s perspective, there are quite a few benefits in not forgiving, or at least in delaying forgiveness as much as possible and gaining from the situation.

For example, if you are a victim, it is clear that an injustice has been done to you, and if an injustice has been done to you, it is clear that you are on the right side. And who among us does not like to be right?

Other times, especially in close relationships, our lack of forgiveness serves us, consciously or unconsciously, as a means of punishing the person who hurt us and/or as a weapon of control:

We do not forgive someone close to us, and by doing so, we do not help them free themselves from the guilt they feel towards us, thereby feeding their sense of misery and guilt. And as we know, it is very easy to manipulate a person who feels guilty.

When we fail or choose not to forgive, says spiritual teacher Lewis B. Smedes, "We tie our emotions to the moment we were hurt, granting it eternal life. We allow it to insult us every time it comes to mind. It travels with us, sleeps with us, hovers over us when we make love, and stands above us when we die. Our hatred does not even have the basic decency to die when those we hate die—because it is a parasite that feeds on our blood, not theirs."

The decision to forgive is the decision to get rid of the parasite.

It is by no means permission for the offender to hurt us again. The decision to release the painful event and the offender from our thoughts is the decision to renounce the victim role and take back our power.

It is the decision not to be emotionally and mentally controlled by ghosts from the past.

The decision to forgive is the first step on the path to true liberation.

Forgiveness is the way home.

Yohai Israeli is a healer and teacher of personal growth and spiritual development, initiated into the 'Curanderos' lineage from Mexico. He leads workshops on awareness, healing, and spiritual forgiveness processes.

Originally published in Hebrew on the New Age section of NRG.